If we can touch just one person inappropriately, it's all worth it.
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"Provocative." "Groundbreaking." "Daringly inept."
they want to kill us
Animals are great. We love them. But here at they want to kill us, we have uncovered a disturbing truth: they want to kill us. This site will shine a light on the other side of animal cruelty, the dark underworld of dancing dolphins and killer koalas.
We may not save your life, but we will never, ever tear your limbs off with our teeth.
humans on animals
“I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that, secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.”
- Jack Handy, animal expert
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