Muskrat Love

Muskrats are a very amorous species, as has been widely known since the release of this insightful and lyrically profound song in 1976 (see Fig. 1).

Fig. 1

If you should find yourself back to the ground underneath an ardent Ondatra zibethicus, keep these five survival tips in mind:

1. Do not struggle. Muskrats have very sharp teeth and have been known to carry rabies, intestinal bacteria, leptospirosis, and tularemia. 
2. For your sake, try to convince the muskrat to use protection. 
3. See if you can wiggle over to the nearest marsh. Muskrats eat cattails and other aquatic vegetation, and there's a small chance he/she might get distracted by food. However, if you are already inside the muskrat's marsh lodge, skip it. You're screwed. (haha!)
4. Try not to make any noise. Unless you're into it, in which case go for it!
5. If possible, try to capture the incident on video and send it in to they want to kill us, c/o a north pacific giant octopus is going to kill me.